he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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