Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
