he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
