yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
