I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
