Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
