you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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