she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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