Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
