The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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