Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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