Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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