maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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