Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
