Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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