I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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