A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
