I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
