My friends, they love my intelligence
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
