no you cant smoke seaweed
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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