How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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