oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
