They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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