Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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