We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my shit smells like andre
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
