there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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