and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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