but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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