Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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