hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize