so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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