God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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