Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
