i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm eating all of the evidence.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
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