omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
