I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
