I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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