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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
