i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
