your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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