You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
