would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
