We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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