Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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