Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
