When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
