you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
