I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
