dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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