When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
