I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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