There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
