A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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