so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
