R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize