is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
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This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
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Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My life is pants optional.
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