Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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