dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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