My brain says no but my pants say off.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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