dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she looked like the before picture.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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