the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
