sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
