Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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