he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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