9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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