I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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