You made me cry and you don't even care
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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