I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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