when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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