I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I wish I only lived at night.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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