How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am spending my child support on dildos
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
