Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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