yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
