You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
