Umm I'm too high to move.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
