mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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