I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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