So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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