Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
