I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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