I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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