His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
