have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
