There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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