I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
